Mom moves 13-year-old daughter away from her grandparents, aunts, and uncles to be closer to her husband's family, gets angry when she wants to move back after she turns 18: 'Mom said most teenagers would kill for the stuff they gave me since we moved'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Mar 29, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

Society is stringently designed around the nuclear family. This system makes it easy to treat families as economic units that are intrinsically tied together and emotionally bonded above all other bonds. Maintaining the nuclear family is difficult to do and often not beneficial for the members of said nucleus. Any child of parents who "stayed together for the kids" can tell you that they'd much rather their parents just got a divorce when they wanted one rather than maintaining appearances for outsiders while those inside the nuclear family were suffering. 

Your parents and siblings are not inherently more important than your aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, or any other member of your family. Legally, parental and sibling relationships are given more weight, but that is a social construct at the end of the day. Whether an uncle is a random man that you see once every 7 years or a surrogate father wholly depends on your family

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  • A lot of parents go wrong when they try to create a nuclear family out of two non-nuclear families. You can't create a parental and sibling bond out of thin air, but unfortunately a lot of parents try to force that for the sake of creating a “new family.”

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    Cheezburger Image 10487442176
    via aisvri

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for agreeing when my mom told me I'm not even trying to make this my new home and telling her I just want to go home?

    I (17f) moved states with my mom, her husband and his kids when I was 13. My mom's husband got a job offer in his home town and he wanted to be near his family and mom okayed it. This took us away from my family and the people I lived with for 11 years. Because before my
    via u/SnowSHome
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    mom moved in with her husband we lived with her parents as in my grandparents. I never met my dad so for me my core family was my mom and my grandparents. I had two aunts and an uncle and their spouses and kids all living within 15 minutes from our old house too.
    via u/SnowSHome
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    The move was great for my mom's stepkids. They got to be close by their families (their dad's side and their mom's). Their mom di d so it was emphasized that it would be extra special and important for them. They always wanted to go back home. Because this was always home to them. But to me? My home is
    via u/SnowSHome
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    where we moved from. When we were first told about the move I said straight up that I didn't want to leave my family behind and my mom told me I wasn't because we were all moving together. I didn't see the stepfamily as my family though. To me my family are still mom and everyone back home
    via u/SnowSHome
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    but especially my grandparents. Her husband has tried to fill the role of my dad but my grandpa and my uncle already filled in the fatherly figure role for me. And I'll admit the fact he took me away from my family to be near his also makes me less open to being close to him.
    via u/SnowSHome
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    I had no choice in the move so I went with them but I always saw this as temporary for me and I would move back home as soon as I could.
    via u/SnowSHome
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    BEDROOM KITCH
    via Faruk Tokluoğlu (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    My mom has tried to make this my home. She put me in extra curricular activities, she let me do stuff I was never allowed to do back home and she tried to use things to make me love it here. But I hated every second of being here and now that I'm 7 months away from being able to move home again, it's all I can really think about.
    via u/SnowSHome
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    I've spoken to my grandparents about moving back in with them when I can and they're on board and they're excited to have me back. We were talking about some of the logistics of it when mom came home and heard some of my side of that discussion. She got upset and asked me why I'm already planning on leaving and I told her that I always wanted to. She told
    via u/SnowSHome
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    me she wanted to strangle me (not in the literal sense of killing me but you know) because we had so much going for us where we are now and I can't see it. She told me I could've used the move to get everything I wanted and it would have worked. Then she said I'm not even trying to make this place home and I agreed with her. I told her I never wanted the
    via u/SnowSHome
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    move and for me home isn't about the stuff but the people and I left most of my family behind when we moved. And I just want to go home now and I've always just wanted to go home.
    via u/SnowSHome
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    Cheezburger Image 10487448064
    via Dillon Kydd
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    She acted like I slapped her. She told me she knew I considered her my family but to say I left most when I had her husband and his kids here meant I didn't even count them and she said it's been 6 years since we all started living together so that was a hard thing to hear. She told me she
    via u/SnowSHome
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    couldn't understand me and that most teenagers wouldn't give a crp about the people they left and they'd kill for the stuff they gave me since we moved. She also said her husband would be really gut punched to realize
    via u/SnowSHome
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    while he's been bonding with me and seeing me as his daughter I only ever saw him as the guy who made me move. She said I was totally selfish and didn't even love her enough to accept this because she loves me and she loves him and his kids. AITA?
    via u/SnowSHome
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    bookishmama_76 NTA - what burns me was the comment about OP not loving her mother enough to do what the mother wants. That's just like saying "if you loved me you'd do..." OP's mom had the right to marry someone and move if they felt that was best but it seems to me that the mom just ignored OP's feelings and is now blindsided by the fact that OP wants to go home. Most teenagers wouldn't care about the people but would kill for the materialistic things? Well h I, that just
    via u/bookishmama_76
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    demonstrates OP's emotional maturity. And finally, it seems like there was an emphasis on the move being for the stepkids because they lost their mom and needed their family, but OP's bio dad wasn't in the picture and she needed her family as well. It feels like the stepkids needs were placed above hers but now mom is shocked?
    via u/bookishmama_76
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    SnowSHome OP My mom put her marriage first. She knew her husband was moving back regardless. He was putting his kids first. And in order to make me go along with it better my mom used them too. But I think in reality she wanted to be where he was. My mom tried to buy away my feelings with stuff.
    via u/SnowSHome
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    mcmurrml Be sure to get all your legal documents such as birth certificate, social security card and take everything with you when you leave especially anything sentimental. Get a separate bank account.
    via u/mcmurrml
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    Dragon_Queen_666 NTA. It's not your responsibility to make your stepdad happy. Go back to your grandparents and be happy.
    via u/Dragon_Queen_666
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    Lazy-Instruction-600 Agreed. And how often did they let OP go visit the rest of HER family? Or was she just expected to adopt step dad's family and only got to see his family for holidays for the last 6 years? Because ripping her away from the only family she's ever known and expecting her to just assimilate into his extended family is downright cruel. NTA. Go find your happiness OP.
    via u/Lazy-Instruction-600
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    CynicallyCyn "You're supposed to love the stuff we not the people we left behind" give you,
    via u/CynicallyCyn
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    PrideofCapetown "You're selfish for loving the family I took you away from more than the stuff I give you"
    via u/PrideofCapetown
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    tigerofjiangdong 1337 Yep typical a hole expecting the kid to be excited they uprooted their life over some stranger they forced upon them Probably mad OP won't call him dad and doesn't see the step siblings as siblings.
    via u/tigerofjiangdong1337
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    PrudenceRavishing Nah, you're not the bad guy for having feelings. Your mom basically hit you with the "this is your family now" like you're in a reboot of your own life. It's not your fault you never clicked with the new setup home isn't just where your stuff is, it's where your people are. You're just trying to get back to where you feel like you belong, and that's valid.
    via u/PrudenceRavishing
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    wdlandent Exactly! Home isn't just a place, it's a feeling.
    via u/wdlandent

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family drama mother bad parenting grandma bad parents parenting aunt uncle Grandpa family moving grandparents stepdad daughter mom Parenting Fail Parenting FAILS
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